Eton Boys
by Split Screen
Summary: A few years after they are written, the letters between Draco Malfoy and his best mate Blaise Zabini emerge, in which the twenty-somethings display growth, humor, and interests in things such as Thanksgiving and Ginny Weasley.
1. Eton Boys

Disclaimer: Own no part of the Harry Potter franchise. Own story. Me Jane. Tarzan is in South Padre.

* * *

**_Eton Boys_**

**Volume One**

* * *

4 June 2001

Blaise-

America is insufferable. The women here are too thin to bear children and even the pure lack any knowledge or pride in their pedigree. They have more ridiculous names than all of the secret middle names in all of Europe. For example, Paradisa Cabot-Stiles. She's too blonde, too orange, and her bones are barely clutched by clothing or anything else that would keep her warm. She goes by Cabot (the most pedigree of her background; there appears to be a little dirtiness in her line and in her nature), and has invited herself to be my escort to nearly every event I've attended. Missing England terribly. Hope to return soon.

Draco

P.S. "Is Hogwarts like Eton?" Cabot seriously said that. Bring on Bullstrode. Anything but Americans.

* * *

8 June 2001

Draco-

You sound incredibly archaic- "too thin to bear children?" And when have you complained of barely clothed women? England misses its resident swaggering bachelor. New Minister (and who would have guessed): Percival I. Weasley. His sister acts as both his secretary and socially acceptable escort, and appears to be investing her time at balls searching for his future wife and talking Quidditch with the boys from my department. Charming woman. Did she attend Eton along with us?

Blaise

* * *

26 July 2001

Blaise-

Wish I could say I found Frecks as fascinating as you do. A few hexes on her part back at good old Eton prevents me from doing so. Is anybody interested in her brother? If so, I suppose England is as desperate as America.

Draco

* * *

31 July 2001

Draco-

As snobby as usual you are. Who wouldn't want to be sister-in-law to the rugged dragon-tamer Charles, the banker William, the twin entrepreneurs, and _Witch_ _Weekly's_ Socialite of the Year? The latter, it appears, is highly selective. She reminds me of your dreadful aunt in her pureblooded (surprise!) scheming. And as for my fascination with Frecks, what else do you remember of her Eton days?

Blaise

* * *

7 August 2001

Blaise-

I'm touched that you're so interested in what I'm doing. No really, I am a bit miffed.

Draco

* * *

24 August 2001

Draco-

Funny, I thought Pansy was the name of your former fiancée. Fine, Malfie, how are you doing?

Blaise

* * *

13 September 2001

Blaise-

Just now received your letter. Fortunately for the sake of our friendship, our written correspondence allows me to pretend as though you weren't being sarcastic at all. Nearly (and just barely) escaped the New York City tragedy. Have moved to the West Coast with the Ministry until further notice. Expect to see a very tan "Malfie" next time around.

Draco

P.S. For some reason, Cabot's tricked me into letting her come with. She's rather fond of me, but don't believe engagement rumors. The feeling is not reciprocated.

* * *

30 September 2001

Draco-

Glad to hear you're safe. A moment of silence, shall we? Nobody could have seen it coming, unless you want to believe Trelawney's shite. Too bad about Cabot; the papers are eating her up right now. Or rather, they appear to be interested in what's constantly not appearing under her skirts. Get yourself tested, man.

Blaise

* * *

4 October 2001

Blaise-

Appreciate your concern for my health. Following your command regularly, especially since Cabot appears to be even more orange as that appears to be the mark of a mating call here. As for Trelawney's shite, I take it you've never been in the legendary Department of Mysteries. Apparently some of that shite of hers is true. But who is going to believe some robe wearing "freak", especially one with a British accent? How is your "work", mate?

Draco

* * *

11 October 2001

Draco-

Appreciate your regard for my work. It _is_ genuine work most days. I've been promoted from location locator (quite possibly the dullest work in the department) to dignitaries' relations. Meaning, mostly, I find places for dignitaries to stay and sit for most events. Only slightly less boring and only slightly more glamorous. Did you know that the Weasleys are related to you? Go figure…

Blaise

* * *

15 October 2001

Blaise-

Of course I did. I know everything. I think my great-great-great aunt married Frecks' great-grandfather? I've no specific idea but I am coming in town for the annual European Quodpot Challenge with the American ambassador to Britain. I'll be explaining Britain to him and he'll be explaining Quodpot to me. I don't know which of us has the easier job. Do make sure to get us good seats (and DON'T let Cabot talk you into getting her and her tarty little friends tickets), preferably with the upper crust…question, what is the upper crust now?

Draco

* * *

28 October 2001

Draco-

Self-made witches and wizards regardless of their occupations before the war. Which leaves Cabot out. Will try to resist her charms, but there's only so much close-up photos will offer me.

Blaise

* * *

29 October 2001

Blaise-

I'm sure you think you're funny. Does the upper crust include us then?

Draco

* * *

30 October 2001

Draco-

Never thought I 'd see the day when you'd stoop to ensure you were approved of by normal people. Yes, you dolt. Your accomplishments reach farther than the unspeakable deeds of your father, and this will be the last time I stoop to flatter you. Have we both really changed that much since good old Eton? I'd reminisce more but I have to rearrange seating arrangements for a self-made ex-brat and an American. Oh, the horrors.

Blaise

P.S. You're staying in a Scottish inn with the ambassador. Thought I'd get downright rustic for him.

* * *

31 October 2001

Blaise-

Hope this gets to you before we arrive. Ambassador is not man after all. Twas pleasantly surprised to discover this just before departing. Is there any way we can turn two Scottish rooms into one?

Draco

* * *

31 October 2001

Draco-

Hope this gets to you before you arrive. 1) No, I'm not that magical. 2) You Grim! Hope Cabot doesn't find out. American brats seem to throw the most publicized fits. 3) How does one work with the American ambassadors and not know theirs to Britain is not a man?

Blaise

* * *

31 October 2001-

Blaise-

Hope this gets to you before the game. Her boss had been sacked and I have just been royally shagged. God bless America.

Draco

* * *

1 November 2001

Blaise-

Why didn't you tell me Frecks had filled out? I had to try to look professional with the American ambassador without flaring up her jealousies!

Draco

* * *

2 November 2001

Draco-

I assumed (how silly of me) that you'd figure _Witch Weekly_ was too shallow to name an ugly woman as Socialite of the Year. Speaking of, never did catch the American ambassador's name.

Blaise

* * *

3 November 2001

Blaise-

Neither did I.

Draco

P.S. I figured with this "Self-Made" revolution, they were praising her for being…I don't know…heroic.

* * *

7 November 2001

Draco-

You are one filthy Grim. How's Cabot?

Blaise

* * *

9 November 2001

Blaise-

She's making me meet her family over a very dreadful American holiday: Thanksgiving. They seem to be a bit like your folk, real hoteliers who've never lived in a real house. The American Ministry is returning to New York City soon. Send my love along to Frecks, will you?

Draco

* * *

12 November 2001

Draco-

I've lived in a real house before. Yours. Frecks says she's glad to know you're not a brat anymore, and I corrected her misconception. Enjoy your very dreadful American holiday.

Blaise

P.S. Will be going round to Eton the fourth Saturday of the month for a Hogsmeade weekend with some old classmates, like the good old days sans your tarty ex-fiancée. Would you like to take a mini-break and join us?

* * *

14 November 2001

Blaise-

Excellent timing, good man. Apparently this very dreadful American holiday falls only two days prior to your suggested mini-break and I can feign a business trip and regrets. Will meet you at the Three Broomsticks at seven; perhaps by then the students will have thinned out.

Draco

* * *

To be continued...

Next: The Hogsmeade weekend and Cabot and Blaise meet, and more talk of Ginny!


	2. Ugly Malfie

Disclaimer: Own no part of the Harry Potter franchise. Own story. Me Jane. Tarzan is in South Padre, missing me. (Oh yeah, and the song Blaise and Draco keep referring to is 'Ugly' by Bubba Sparxxx…don't ask me why, I just re-watched _Thirteen_, and the movie they keep referring to is "Alfie", starring Michael Caine).

* * *

**_Eton Boys_**

**Volume Two**

* * *

21 November 2001

Blaise-

Where am I staying?

Draco

* * *

22 November 2001

Draco-

I booked all of us rooms at the Three Broomsticks before all the horndogs booked afternoon hourlys. Ah, I remember your gracious gift of the Prefect's Bathroom. Mucho appreciado.

Blaise

* * *

22 November 2001

Blaise-

What is this strange language you speak in, heathen?

Draco

P.S. When can I check in? All this food is driving me crazy.

* * *

22 November 2001

Draco-

Friday morning. Always knew you had an eating disorder.

Blaise

P.S. _Don't speak no other languages_… Merlin. You know you've dated a real Muggle when…

P.P.S. You know, one of these days we're going to have to bother to use our fires.

* * *

22 November 2001

Blaise-

I don't understand gluttony is all. I'm on my way.

Draco

P.S. _Cause I'm a fuckin legend, and this is gettin ugly_…yes, Cabot made me listen to it too and I'm surprised to say I love it.

P.P.S. No need, when we can write clever notes quickly

* * *

22 November 2001

Draco-

By the way, ran into your Cabot whilst shopping for your birthday present in London last week. Is it possible that she can be more orange than an Oompa Loompa?

Blaise

* * *

22 November 2001

Blaise-

What the fuck is an Oompa Loompa?

Draco

P.S. Am here. When will you be?

P.P.S. What would Cabot be doing in England? She's an American. She doesn't speak anything else.

* * *

24 November 2001

Draco-

Where the fuck am I?

Blaise

* * *

24 November 2001

Blaise-

Alright, this owl business is getting ridiculous. Why aren't I stopping it? Well…I know why I'm writing this one: to remind you how ridiculously drunk you were last night. You did the Hustle with Tracey Davis last night, and she told us how she bleaches her mustache. Damn am I glad I went sober after waking up one morning and discovering Cabot in my bed.

Draco

* * *

28 November 2001

Draco-

You have no idea how much I'm grinning right now, merely because this weekend was excellent. Last I saw of you, you were still at the Three Broomsticks. When are you going back to the States?

Blaise

* * *

29 November 2001

Blaise-

As soon as Cabot figures out how to bombard me with owls. She's such a fucking nag.

Draco

* * *

1 December 2001

Draco-

Still here?

Blaise

* * *

2 December 2001

Blaise-

Yes, why?

Draco

* * *

2 December 2001

Draco-

Having Christmas party on Saturday. You should come.

Blaise

* * *

3 December 2001

Blaise-

Come to think of it, I don't ask you much about your personal life. All I know is that you were into Frecks for a minute. I guess it's just natural for me to assume you don't have a social life.

Draco

* * *

4 December 2001

Draco-

Thank you? Well, I had a date with Bleachy about a week ago. Did you let me agree to something whilst I was drunk? That's not very best mate-y.

Blaise

* * *

5 December 2001

Blaise-

Arrrrr. I'm a pirate! …Sorry. How'd it go?

Draco

* * *

6 December 2001

Draco-

I'm calling her Bleachy. Draw your own conclusions.

Blaise

* * *

6 December 2001

Blaise-

Has that been the highlight since Frecks?

Draco

P.S. What time is this party of yours, how long should I expect to be there, where is it exactly, is there a dress code, are gifts required? You know…if you'd obliged me with an actual invitation, you'd have avoided this barrage.

* * *

7 December 2001

Draco-

There was nothing with Frecks. Just a little crush. 7:00 PM, my place, maybe until Sunday afternoon (I've no idea, Malfie), casual but please don't pull a rolled-out-of-bed routine, no gifts required but much appreciated. And don't be so whiny.

Blaise

* * *

7 December 2001

Blaise-

I've half a mind not to come with the way you're insulting me.

Draco

* * *

7 December 2001

Draco-

You were only right about the former part of your sentence.

No, really, come. Frecks'll be there. Then you can prove you're still a brat.

Blaise

* * *

8 December 2001

Blaise-

Just so you know, I'm going to walk away quite the ladies' man from all of this.

Draco

* * *

9 December 2001

Draco-

Nice touch. Did you purchase an entire bouquet merely so you could innocently present Frecks with one?

Blaise

* * *

10 December 2001

Blaise-

No, of course not!

Draco

P.S. Maybe just a little bit.

P.P.S I take that back.

P.P.P.S. I really, really take that back.

* * *

11 December 2001

Draco-

Awww, Malfie has a crush on Frecks.

Blaise

* * *

14 December 2001

Blaise-

I don't have a crush and I'm back in the States to force Cabot to return the engagement ring she's purchase for herself.

Draco

* * *

15 December 2001

Draco-

Ouch. Good luck with that and I told Frecks you have a crush on her.

Blaise

* * *

16 December 2001

Blaise-

Like I don't have anything else to worry about; my best mate is spreading maliciously untrue rumors about me across England!

…what'd she say?

Draco

* * *

17 December 2001

Draco-

Since I didn't tell her, I don't know.

You're such a drama queen.

What's the deal with Cabot now?

Blaise

* * *

18 December 2001

Blaise-

"I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've _got_ to say something for appearance's sake."

Draco

P.S. MUGGLES! AH!

* * *

19 December 2001

Draco-

What's that from?

Blaise

* * *

20 December 2001

Blaise-

A "movie" by the name of Alfie. Your little nickname made me think of it.

Draco

P.S. It's very fitting for the both of us—well, me at least.

* * *

21 December 2001

Draco-

Why had you seen it in the first place? Cabot, I assume? And, why does it fit "you at least"?

Blaise

* * *

22 December 2001

Blaise-

"You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, and think of all the things they've done for me and the little I've done for them, you'd think I've had the best of it along the line. But what have I got out of it? I've got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car, I've got me health back and I ain't attached. But I ain't got me peace of mind - and if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. I dunno. It seems to me if they ain't got you one-way they've got you another. So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself - what's it all about? Know what I mean?"

Draco

P.S. Coming home for Christmas. With Cabot. Joy.

* * *

23 December 2001

Draco-

Where are you staying?

Blaise

* * *

24 December 2001

Blaise-

Three Broomsticks. Ashamed to be seen with her otherwise. Do visit, I think I might have to dump her on Boxing Day. She won't understand it.

Draco

* * *

24 December 2001

Draco-

You are a Grim. Good luck and happy Christmas.

Blaise

* * *

24 December 2001

Blaise-

Ditto. Additionally, I hope you like your present.

Draco

* * *

24 December 2001

Draco-

You too. Oh, and your belated birthday present is on its way, apologies. I got swamped with work for a while.

Blaise

* * *

27 December 2001

Blaise-

Enjoyable gift. Wherever did you locate it? I spend most of my evenings alone turning it upside down over and over again. Oh and your Christmas present, although more dignified, was enjoyed as well.

Draco

* * *

28 December 2001

Draco-

Alone? Sad story. Oh, and our fascination with Muggle things can be attributed to your present…our little obsessions might have to come out of the closet, mate.

Blaise

P.S. Enjoyed your dignified present as well.

* * *

29 December 2001

Blaise-

Never use the phrase "come out of the closet" with me again. We're two attractive, well-dressed men whose correspondence may be intercepted. I don't want another rumor spread around to Frecks that simply isn't true.

Draco

P.S. I'm reading rumors that I'm marrying Cabot over New Year's. Strange, considering I dumped her a few days ago. Want to come to a party at the Standard in Dublin?

* * *

30 December 2001

Draco-

Certainly. I suppose this will be a well-publicized but subtle response to the rumor?

Blaise

P.S. Oh, concerned now about how you appear to Frecks? Will have to tell her.

* * *

31 December 2001

Blaise-

Meet me at the Manor tomorrow night at 6 for an early dinner, and yes, this will do nicely.

Draco

P.S. Empty threats.

* * *

2 January 2002

Blaise-

What the fuck are you doing? I've received an owl from the Ministry of Magic asking me to attend a ball and it has Weasley set up all over it. I demand that you tell me what you told her!

Draco

* * *

4 January 2002

Draco-

Payback for letting me agree to a date with Bleachy. Not much, just that you're more agreeable, which she figured out at my Christmas party anyway. Oh, and that you're in England. When are you returning to work?

Blaise

* * *

6 January 2002

Blaise-

Arrrr.

Draco

P.S. I've been transferred "mysteriously" back home. Do me a favor and look for a couple of penthouses in London through your mum or someone.

* * *

7 January 2002

Draco-

Am very busy and important. Cannot do so.

Blaise

P.S. There's a place like the one I visited you at while you were at the Standard. I've booked it for you and I sent the address to your secretary. Glad you're coming home.

* * *

8 January 2002

Blaise-

Thank you. Glad as well. Looking forward to Ministry Ball.

Draco

P.S. By "mysteriously" I meant…not so mysteriously because I think I'm being set up with Frecks.

* * *

12 January 2002

Draco-

Why would anyone do that, let alone Percival I. Weasley, all-too-busy Minister of Magic?

Blaise

* * *

13 January 2002

Blaise-

Because Percy Weasley is a closet pureblood. Penthouse-warming after-party Friday night…or rather, Saturday morning, 2 AMish. Old crowd from Eton and maybe whomever I can rope in from the ball.

Draco

* * *

14 January 2002

Draco-

…Wait, is Malfie referring to closets?

Blaise

* * *

15 January 2002

Blaise-

Shut it you.

Draco

* * *

To be continued…

Up next: Cabot reenters Draco and Blaise's lives with a vengeance, and Ginny Weasley is discussed a bit more seriously.


End file.
